Loyal Reader of the Month

My loyal readers,

The award for Loyal Reader of the Month is, in a word, archaic. Another word? Dated. And I don't mean the type of "dated" where you get to go on a date, ha ha. (I wouldn't mind that, lol. Just messing around.)

The FNB team is officially announcing that the Loyal Reader of the Month program is officially over. There will be no further awards, no further Frank Face static clings, no further personalized letters, no further certificates of appreciation. Allow us to explain why we have made this decision:

The award for Loyal Reader of the Month was created in a time when there was a small but mighty band of loyal readers. Of this band, there was an even smaller handful who were regular vocal participants in the community. They would comment on posts, celebrate victories, and, most incredibly, provide comfort in defeats. As a way of saying thank you to these members, FNB created the award for Loyal Reader of the Month. There has been a shift in the FNB community of late where loyal readers--while present and undeniably loyal--are far less vocal. As this is the case, the award in its current form does not provide service to these loyal readers. The ones who are the most deserving remain out of the public eye, and so are unavailable for public recognition via award spotlight. The times have changed, and we must be willing to change with them. I hope this explanation is satisfactory. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to email us at frankdotcom.webmail@gmail.com or by leaving a comment below.

Thanks for your continued support. We couldn't do it without you.

Very excited for October. So long, September.

-Frank (sched.)

New season

Fall is here. Summer is officially over. Want to know how I know? Remember those sandals that signaled it was the start of summer all those months ago? Yeah, well... they are telling me something different now!

I should be honest: I had made the decision that I would keep wearing the Stone Arizona Birkenstock sandals forever to make summer endless. I was committed to doing it, too. Never ending summer would be great for all of us, you have to agree, especially me. But reality set in, as it tends to do...

I walked outside in them and my feet got really cold. Uhh, yep. No.

Welcome to Autumn (aka Fall)! Autumn (Fall) isn't so bad. There are festivals, fires, beautiful colors, pumpkins, pumpkin accessories, sweaters--and we at FNB love sweaters. It's sweater weather, baby.

-Frank

Friday Fast 5

5 Fast Reasons Fridays Freaking Rule (5FRFFR)

1. French fries - Fridays are the universal "cheat day" across all cultures, which totally rocks because it is the one day a week where everyone can eat French fries. No one is left out on the delicious fun!

2. Reading books or magazines or anything - The best time to catch up on some reading is on Friday. Settle down with a good book or interesting article to ensure the weekend will kick off to a chill start. Or maybe take the opportunity to read about some cool activities you can spend the weekend doing. It's up to you!

3. Friends - You can hang out with your friends on Fridays (even the ones who work) because it is the unofficial "end" of the workweek. Plus, you can hang out really late, which rules. Lots of people like sleeping in on Saturdays.

4. Firecrackers - Loud noises aren't appreciated by the neighbors on other days of the week, but Fridays are the exception. Most kids go to school Monday-Friday, so parents don't get mad if you wake up their kids by setting off 'crackers!

5. Relaxing - Say no more! This I can get into.

-Frank

How to get a record company to produce my music

Does anyone know someone who works at a record company? I am hoping to get my music produced. (This is for my band "Arachnid Redemption" or "Saints and Spiders" or a name that is similar to those. The band name hasn't been finalized yet.)

Should I put together a package and do a mass mailing to many record labels or have a more focused approach? I am wondering about setting up a tour to correspond with the album release. What record companies would be accommodating to this? Will record companies supply food and travel vouchers for the tour? With how many record companies can I sign? Why do most music artists only sign with one at a time? Will a record company supply a website to sell band merchandise? (I think everyone was really pumped by the album art from Cool Thing 31 and would love to have a mug with that design.)

Any recommendations you may have would be greatly appreciated. I am looking for some guidance.

-Frank

Songs for the album

5 Songs that will be on the "Saints and Spiders" or "Arachnid Redemption" (or whatever the final band name is decided as being) album

1. Shelob's Lair (Don't go snooping)

2. Man, or Spider

3. Web of Lies

4. Charlotte's Secret (Instrumental)

5. Silk Road

Just a little update for you.

-Frank

Tuesdays are the new Mondays

If you ask me, Tuesdays are the new Mondays. You know what I mean?

They just have the feel of Mondays. Is it a Tuesday right now or what!?! Well, it's almost a Wednesday.

I've been wondering if other creatures besides humans are concerned with days of the week (in particular, spiders). Do spiders ever get a case of the Mondays (Tuesdays)? Maybe they don't have a specific name for days of the week, but they can distinguish certain days from others by the way the day goes. "Yep, this is definitely a Monday," they might say, for example.

Some things are just inherent.

-Frank

Being a spider wouldn't be so bad

Being a spider could be kind of cool. You get to swing around on webs and could clamber up walls and buildings in general. If you were a spider you wouldn't have to go to work or school. These are big positives. However, while spiders have webs, they can't access the world wide web (the Internet); a big knock against them.

Spiders are also squished or swatted when they come in contact with humans, so you would no longer be able to hang out with your current friends (who are humans) or family (also humans). It would be lonely to be a spider. You would have to make totally new friends like when you moved to a new school or a new city before the Internet existed.

I think, on reflection, being Marvel Spider-Man (as played by Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) and Avengers: Infinity War (2018)) would be the best option. You get the benefits of both the spider and human worlds and you have super powers.

-Frank

6 feet of separation

Did you know you are never more than 6 feet away from a spider at any single moment? Right now included! Even on the International Space Station, this holds true. And when you think about it, it isn't that surprising. Spiders and humans share a lot of similarities:

• Both live in houses (sometimes to the annoyance of humans, ha ha).
• Both go outside for fresh air.
• Both aren't huge fans of getting caught in the rain!
• Both find mosquitoes bothersome and remove them (kill them) if possible.
• Both eat/drink.

And many more! Not as scary when you start to think about it.

-Frank

The thing about spiders

There is a lot of negativity out there about spiders. Fear of spiders. Hatred of spiders. Dark arts imagery (witchcraft and warlock variety). Here are some common spider words: Halloween, spooky, dark, twisted, death, poison, bite, gnashing, frighten. Spiders are allegorical images commonly used to represent evil incarnate. Or at least, they were...

Of late, there is a cultural shift in the perception of spiders fueled by a few key variables. One such variable is Tom Holland's portrayal of Spider-Man aka Peter Parker in films in the Marvel Universe like Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) and Avengers: Infinity War (2018). Children (and adults who are young at heart) are being exposed to spiders in a positive light because of these high octane, fun adventure flicks. Thanks Marvel! Spider advocates rejoice!

Another variable that has contributed to the shift in the perception of spiders is from my recent work to promote spiders as creatures on a parallel journey to our own. I'm not the only one saying this! Many others have been saying similar things, but by sharing my own personal connection with spiders from my very life changing jail experience, I have opened the doors to a conversation and re-evaluation of how we think of spiders.

Did you know that the estimated ratio of insects to humans is 200 million to one? (That's one human for every 200 million insects!) Spiders are helping to even the odds!

Thanks Spiders!

-Frank

Cool Thing 31

The start of the new era.

COOL THING 31:

An album art concept teaser for Saint and Spiders or Arachnid Redemption. (Band name is still undecided. Could be one of these aforementioned options or even something different.)

There have now been 31/52 cool things created in 2018. only 21 left for your viewing, listening, reading, pleasure. (the countdown continues.)

Very excited to share the music that this image will be representing. It really speaks to the journey of discovery that I've been on the past few weeks, and the things that have helped me along the way.

-Frank (sched.)

Announcing removal of time constraints and commitments

The best way to start fresh is to start really fresh. I am, from this point forward, removing the weekly posting schematic for Cool Things. Does this mean Cool Things are over? No! Certainly not. If anything, it means there is potential for the enjoyment of even more Cool Things! Whenever something cool comes up, you can bet you will be the first ones to hear about it (and not just on Sundays anymore). There could be seven (7) in one week! Or even fourteen (14)!!

One of my main reflections from my time in jail was on the predictable nature of most aspects of my day to day. This new approach is a way to mix things up. The road trip of life © needs flavor. Life needs random.

That's why my new motto is this: Feel your random. When you are feeling your random, things are only predictable in one way: they will be random, guaranteed. 

A true Renaissance man. Surprising, fresh. Is that what I am, or isn't it?

-Frank

Going to start a band

I have decided I have wasted too much time already, and it is time to do the things I have always wanted to do. (Spending 14 days in jail really opened my eyes to this realization.) I figure I have a maximum of 76 years left on this Earth in time as we perceive it. I should note that those 76 years don't necessarily have to be spent on this Earth specifically, as space travel doesn't seem outside the realm of possibility; whether with an Earth based organization or a group of "aliens" from outer space.

Mainly, I have decided to start a band. Let me know if you have any good band name ideas! I was thinking something along the lines of "Arachnid Redemption" or "Saints and Spiders." (This is a nod to my time spent in jail and the aforementioned spider who helped me--just as I helped he or she--to the other side (this one).)

As far as genre goes, I was thinking of dabbling with the entire spectrum of music. I don't want to restrict things too early, if ever. Life is open ended, and it's meant to be explored.

-Frank

Sweet release

It has been a long 14 days, but my time has finally come. I am released. My loyal readers, it is good to be back!

Jail was, to be frank, the best thing that could ever happen to me. In the weeks leading up to imprisonment, I was stressed and anxious. I was afraid for the future of Frank's New Blog, as well as my own personal future. I was concerned with numbers and statistics. I had regressed into the mind of a statistician. A percentage chaser. I tied my own personal self worth directly to the results, and the results were bad. I was Icarus, the Wall Street Banker, standing on the roof.

In jail, it was incredibly boring. I spent my time doing two things: thinking and jumjax™. Suffice to say, I did a lot of thinking and a lot of jumping jacks. Admittedly, this was just the right combination for my body and my mind. I sat in the jail cell and followed the cracks on the floor with my eyes. I listened to the silence. I waited. In the corner of my cell, there was a spider. A very small spider, but a spider nonetheless. Here was this spider, living his or her entire life in the dark, greenish glow of fluorescent lighting. This spider that might never know the soft caress of sunlight, the sweet taste of fresh air, or the drumming of the rain. Would I ever know these things, truly?

 It was then that I realized my the road trip of life © had a funny sense of humor. You see, I was that spider. I had been living in the dark, locked away from sunlight. I had been cautiously crunching numbers instead of living life. We don't have very long on this Earth of ours, and I will be damned if I spend another second of it imprisoned, be it of the physical or metaphysical variety. I resolved to break the spider out. I resolved to stand up for the oppressed. And so, before it was time to go, I cupped that spider in my hand and carried him or her with me out into the light of day. (This was actually, hilariously enough, a pretty difficult procedure. I had to awkwardly balance while I pulled off my jail fatigues and redressed in my own clothing, all while holding the spider. But I managed it, and released him or her under a mulberry tree.) I think I was meant to meet that spider, and he or she me. 

I have emerged--as a caterpillar from cocoon, as a mummy from its tomb, as a baby from the womb. 

I am older, 

wiser, 

stronger. 

I am reborn.

-Frank

*embedded Instagram post replaced with image file 2018/12/11*

Hello to Frank's friends. This is Frank's dad. He gave me a set of instructions to follow, so bear with me. He was very adamant that I "write out exactly" this information to you ASAP.

Frank's message:

"My loyal readers,

It pains me that I am missing these blog posts. Many of you will remember the legal problems I had many months ago. Long story short, the judge did not accept the many community service hours that I spent here on Frank's Blog as fulfillment of my court mandated community service hours. This has come back to bite me. (Frank's dad would like to add: the community service requirement is very simple, and if you hadn't been so lazy, this wouldn't be a problem.) I am serving a 14 day jail sentence as a result. (Frank's dad would like to add it is a very deserved sentence. Please learn something from it.)

I know this comes at a time when the future of the blog remains uncertain. Just like the cryptocurrency market, we are in freefall. We are separated from the International Space Station during a space walk. We are adrift at sea. We are a needle in a haystack. We are Icarus.

I eagerly await my freedom when I can return to FNB. On the plus side, I will have lots of time to think.

See you on the other side,

- Frank"

While I have your attention, get off the internet and go outside! Go do ANYTHING! OK. And don't do dumb! Think! You're smart kids, so act like it.

- Frank's dad

icarus

the story of icarus is one that has stood the test of time. this story is thousands of years old, and yet all of us from the time of today still know it...that's some crazy resiliency!

icarus, despite being one of the first, his father being the other, to operate an early "flying" mechanism (it was more of a hybred-glider, from my understanding), is more remembered for his folly than this incredible achievement. if you ask me, the wright brothers have nothing on the father-son duo of daedalus and icarus. I digress...

from the story, the point is icarus got too greedy with his new flight machine. even though he was doing something revolutionary, creative, incredible, groundbreaking, etc...the end result was still crashing into the sea.

something that deserves more thought.

-frank

13 steps

the fnb team has created a 13 step solution to our poor page view numbers during the previous quarter. in an effort to promote transparency, it is outlined below. thank you for your continued support in these trying times.

I know we will emerge from this stronger than ever.

-frank (sched.)

the 13 step plan to prevent the predicted deficit view counts before they occur in the month of october

1. realize the situation is dire. (completed.)

2. react! turn the situation around before it gets any worse. (in progress.)

3. reflect on the story of icarus. do not fly too close to the sun, or the water.

4. reanalyze the brand. 

5, refresh image. 

6. recognizability increased to maximum.

7. reestablish important content lines (ex.: cool things, good invention spotlight)

8. reinvigorate community projects such as the jumjax™ database.

9. rebuild confidence with exciting developments (spoiler: frank's new blog's digital zine bonus issue!)

10. resolve unresolved posts. closure and transparency are important.

11. reevaluate community interaction and involvement.

12. relax.

13. re-assess the situation after each month has ended.

closed for problem solving

we are not kidding when we say we are ceasing all other project operations to problem solve this dire situation.

cool thing 31 release postponed until future date.

lots of good ideas on the chalkboard. trying to stay positive. talk soon.

-frank (sched.)

by the numbers 3

not good. not good at all.

numbers for the third quarter (june, july, august).

june 2018: 423

july 2018: 394

august 2018: 338

total: 1,155 page views

numbers for the previous quarter (march, april, may).

march 2018: 454 page views

april 2018: 577 page views

may 2018: 557 page views

total: 1,588 page views

first quarter numbers:

december 2017: 372 page views

january 2018: 496 page views

february 2018: 641 page views

total: 1,509 page views

a few points to ponder:

the good

• there is nothing good about this.

the bad

• fewer views in each consecutive month this quarter. (423>394>338)
• hundreds fewer page views than in two previous quarters. hundreds. fewer. (-).
• this is an unsustainable decline. if drop continues at current rate, we will have negative views each month starting in october. (the model suggests 220 in september, -20 in october, adhering to current trajectory.)

we are in crisis mode. the fnb team is, effective immediately, ceasing all other project operations to problem solve this dire situation.

-frank